


Crab Legs

by DiqazonQueen



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Crack, Rick's ass is really loose, rogue gaping anus, unrealistic, why am I allowed on this site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-03 23:56:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15829542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiqazonQueen/pseuds/DiqazonQueen
Summary: Rick and Negan get into a horrifying accident.





	Crab Legs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Unicornsfartglitter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsfartglitter/gifts).



> My friend, I really think there's no hope for me.

Rick made his way down to Negan’s cell with a bowl of anti-psychosis porridge. He thought everything would go as it normally did, with Negan being gross and weird and Rick ignoring him, but nothing could have prepared him for what happened next. .

Rick opened the door to the cell and immediately slipped in a puddle of doodie. He went skidding across the room on one foot like a drunk figure skater. The bowl clattered to the floor, sending the porridge spilling everywhere, and Rick’s feet slid in that mess, too. He lost control over his body and spent the next few minutes slipping and sliding all over the cell like he was in a banana peel skit while Negan watched silently, for once, seemingly at a loss for words. Rick attempted to steady himself on the dirty floor, slick with doo-doo and porridge, but when he tried to force his feet to stay put, his legs slid apart like he was doing the splits. This caused frayed threads to start popping out of Rick’s tattered jeans until the ancient denim finally could take no more and it tore open right down Rick’s ass.

The shock of having his decrepit, but reliable pants rip on him at last caused Rick to fall forward, and he really wished he’d cared to put on underwear before he went down to the cell, because he was sliding backwards with his keister approaching Negan’s face at a breakneck speed. His exposed and abused anal sphincter looked like a frowning old man and was still fresh from his morning ass-destroying fun with Siddiq and Michonne, which was part of his daily routine, but Negan was terrified of the Goatse-like hamflower so he put his legs out to defend himself. The rogue gaping anus promptly sucked both legs inside as soon as it made contact with Negan’s feet, like a black hole sun.

Because it all happened very quickly and easily and Rick’s ass was well used to gigantic insertions, it took a few seconds for the realization of what just occurred to hit both men. 

After the brief pause, they both shouted in unison, “WHAT THE SHIT!?” 

Negan and Rick were now conjoined like CatDog. No amount of flailing or writhing or pulling helped Negan’s legs leave Rick’s ass. They needed medical attention, stat. 

They were in a panic, so they tumbled down the stairs like they were a walker who didn’t know how to manage steps. 

“Diqqy! Michy! Ricky need help!” Rick shouted, being reduced to a wreck because Negan was hanging out of his patootie like a turd that got stuck. He was on the verge of producing a snot bubble, he was so distraught. 

Siddiq and Michonne came out of the bedroom, thankfully clothed. They both gave Rick and Negan a long look, but didn’t say anything as they helped them into the room. 

“Why, Rick, why?” Siddiq finally said after a while. 

“Why, Negan, why?” Michonne finally said after a while. 

“It was a freak accident, I swear!” Rick insisted, hoping that they would believe him since he and Negan were both smeared in porridge and doodie. They assured him that they believed him, but they were both shaking their heads at the predicament their lover had gotten himself into. 

As Siddiq pulled on Negan’s arms and yanked under the skinny noodle limbs to see if it would do any good, Michonne waited by Rick’s head with her hands on his shoulders to be ready to haul Rick to safety if Negan were to come shooting out of his ass like a greased pig. It was to no avail, but the real issue in this position was that Michonne’s balloons kept on touching Rick’s head and Negan was getting far too excited having Siddiq’s crotch so close to his face. For once, the last thing they needed was uncomfortable arousal, so Siddiq and Michonne switched positions. 

The alternative produced the same effect, but at least they tried. Their efforts were in vain, though. Negan was stuck in the VenASS flytrap. 

Siddiq was seriously considering doing some kind of emergency surgery on Negan and Rick to separate them, but then he had an idea. 

“Rick, I’m gonna have to reach way into your gullet.” 

“Go ahead, baby,” said Rick and Negan at the same time. 

Siddiq ignored Negan and sunk his entire arm into Rick’s mouth. Rick had no gag reflex, of course. 

“Hot diggity dog, that’s impressive!” marveled Negan. Siddiq had very long arms, too, after all. 

Siddiq dug around inside of Rick’s body, trying to locate Negan’s feet. He had an inkling as to why they were making no progress trying to remove Negan from Rick’s caboose. 

Sure enough, Negan’s socks were responsible, just as Siddiq suspected. He pulled them out through Rick’s mouth. They were industrial strength Velcro socks. With the socks off, Michonne was able to yank Negan’s legs out of Rick’s ass with ease. 

This whole encounter was very arousing to Negan, and before he could receive another lecture about behaving himself, he hopped away back to his cell on his erect dong like Tigger.


End file.
